We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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