She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
