i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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