Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
