the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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