The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
