i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
