Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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