we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
