I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
