How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
