My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
