I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
