Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
