idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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