bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
