can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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