in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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