you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
