It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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