You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
