vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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