I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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