Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
