So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
