We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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