Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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