I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
birth control should be required to get into college
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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