perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
