I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
