Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize