i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
