Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My vagina is very pro this idea
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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