Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
