Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
