dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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