Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
