how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
