I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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