you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
