ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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