I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have fence marks all over my body
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
