she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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