i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
