i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize