I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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