In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
