i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
