Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
