WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
