I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
