my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think my fart just growled at me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
3 2 1 whiskey
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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