AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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