remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
