My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
