turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
COCAINE IS GR8
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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