so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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