it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
