Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
