I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
