I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
