i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Shame - the story of my life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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