Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
