If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
