dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
