but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes