I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.