i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.