Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
