he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?