He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
