Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up