I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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