the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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