I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
