What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
