At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
