the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
