and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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