I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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