May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
