never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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