Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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