i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
love makes seman taste better
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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